Noah's Road

We will always be in the midst of this Shaken Baby storm. We were tossed into the wind two and a half years ago. This storm that comes with Shaken Baby Syndrome – or abusive head trauma or being with the wrong person at the wrong time, whatever you want to call it – has moments so quiet you can barely feel a breeze, while other moments are so turbulent you’d lose your heart if it wasn’t secured within the cavities of your chest. I’m a part of this world, a constant no matter the forecast, because I have chosen to be. I blog because it gives me purpose and provides me with some sort of catharsis. But I also blog because I have seen a community built upon this blog; it started with words, emails, kind thoughts and gifts sent across the country, and it continues as we give virtual hugs, or if we’re close enough, a hug so tight you can feel the heat rise from your friend’s skin. We have grown. There are so many of us. That in itself is a tragedy.

In the last few weeks, so much has happened within our network of mommies, daddies, grandmothers and aunts. Dear friends of ours, whose daughter was shaken two years ago, have finally been given a trial date. We hope and pray that this date sticks. I’m hoping that the fact it is on Noah’s birthday (and dear Trevor Ulrich’s birthday) is a positive sign.  I still remember reading this mom’s words as we exchanged emails two years ago. Her daughter was still in the hospital and she was so angry, confused, isolated; through those hazy lines on the computer I could feel her desperation, and yet I could do nothing to curb it.

Somewhere on the East Coast the daycare provider who shook a baby nearly exactly Noah’s age, and within a month of Noah’s shaking, is finally undergoing trial. I should say that this sweet baby boy’s family finally has the chance to bring some justice home. They have waited so long and have traveled so far to sit in a courtroom and have the darkest moments of their life spilled before them like rotting trash. Even the big steps, the good steps, can suck.

And, God this breaks my heart, we have added yet another family to our small community of brokenhearted parents searching out the light in a world that tried to snuff out our children. Last week a sweet boy named Austin Westbrook was shaken. He is three months old. So far he’s hanging on. He’s made progress. He can suck on his pacifier and has finally left the PICU, but his vision, just like Noah’s, is a huge question mark. His parents, bless their hearts, are trying to fathom their new life, they are holding tight to faith and to hope. But that will become harder as the reality of this new life sinks in. For this reason I am asking all of the amazing prayer warriors who still visit Noah’s Road to add baby Austin and his parents to your prayer lists. They need prayers today, and they will need them every day for years to come.

Today we learned, finally, that Trudy’s appeal to the Virginia Supreme Court has been denied. If you recall, she was up for the second round of appeals around the time the New York Times article ran, which she was also denied. I’ve been waiting in anticipation of this, fearful deep down that it could all come crashing down on us again. When Mike told me tonight, Noah, Avry and their two little friends were making a disaster area of the playroom – life per the usual. (Well, truth be told, MY kids make the mess and my dear friend Maria’s kiddos were just trying to survive in the chaos, not to mention the hair pulling and biting.) Mike watched me, waiting for my response, and I let out a small yelp, a little yippee and a grin far too large for the kind of hefty news that this really is. I am thrilled, but as I’ve said before, the happiest moments are singed with sadness. This happy moment, just like many many others, is really just a reminder, another reminder of what we’ve been through, and a reminder that we are not alone in this.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 28th, 2011 at 7:54 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.