When I welcomed Emily Bazelon into my home in early November, I trusted her. I let her see and interact with Noah – who I now know has sometimes “vacant” eyes – and I shared with her all the heartache and exhaustive details of the last couple years of our life. Previous to my picking her up from the metro station and taking her into our home, she had told Mike and I on the phone what her intention was with the article. We agreed to do it despite knowing we would hate a great deal of it; after all, she wanted to address the Shaken Baby Syndrome debate. But, we thought, if we could have the chance for people to read our blog, to read our story, to know the truth as we know it, we might have a positive impact on one baby’s life. This, in retrospect, is the same naive bullshit I contrived when convincing myself two years ago that a woman who is little more than a stranger can take loving care of my child.
During the interview and during the repeated pleas to Emily to take care with our story – this is our life and this is our child – she never once told us that she intended to interview Trudy, her lawyers or the medical experts on her side. I should have asked her outright. Why didn’t it occur to me? Because I am naive. There was something about her eyes, warm and dark – not unlike Trudy’s – that made me feel she would work diligently to present the truth. We were told this story would follow more than one case, but at no point was it divulged to us that our story would link these other cases, and that the “medical evidence” in these other cases would be used to cast doubt on Trudy’s guilt, making her a martyr and us who, though never outright stated, could also be responsible.
We found out quite on accident and only a week or so ago that Trudy was in this story. Words can hardly convey our anger. Didn’t we have a right to know that our life and our case, which was settled over five full days of testimony a year ago, were going to be rehashed in a he-said she-said with Bazelon and her deft editing skills at the helm?
Now, just as we had suspected, we are in the midst of this heated battle. Yes, we have done this to ourselves. I accept that, much like I have accepted the occasionally cruel comments in response to my blogging. What I couldn’t have imagined, however, was that Bazelon would turn a minor detail into the thread that weaves much of this article together: Noah and the milk bottle.
“Rueda and Noah’s mother, Erin Whitmer, both noticed when he stopped taking his bottle well and napping as usual in the middle of his fifth month, in April 2009. Whitmer thought this was because Noah had just started eating solid food. She and Rueda talked about it early on April 20, both of them hunched over Noah in his car seat when Whitmer dropped him off.”
This is the beginning of the article, laying the groundwork of manipulative suggestion that there was an underlying condition with Noah, that he was deteriorating, a ticking time-bomb that finally blew when Trudy was alone with him. What she never mentions is that while Noah had often refused his bottle over those last couple days, he had eaten several meals of solid food, to include butternut squash, avocado, oatmeal and even pureed chicken (which he hated). Noah drank a bottle that Monday morning as we sat on the couch together. That is a moment I hold onto still, one of the final moments of another life. Noah was also sleeping through the night, though he had never been a consistent napper. He’d nap 45 minutes one day, more than an hour another, several short naps later in the week.
I don’t know why Noah was fussy with Trudy that day. He was nothing but smiles when I left him. I can’t account for the moments I wasn’t with him. I will tell you: THAT is enough to stifle me with guilt. Tack it on to the long list of the things I carry.
It is not absurd to me that so many people who have read this New York Times magazine article believe Mike and I are idiots. From what the average reader can infer we had a son who -gasp!- wasn’t drinking or sleeping. Why didn’t we know something was wrong? What kind of parents are we? We are also so dimwitted and devoid of the ability to form a cohesive thought on our own that we need to rely on the established research and science of the vast majority of the medical community instead of listening to the sage and well-intentioned handful of doctors and scientists who research and testify only for the benefit of these innocent people accused of this atrocious crime.
Yes, the truth is complex. It melts and freezes, changes shape, fractures, differs with everyone’s recollection. I understand there are two sides to every story, and I understand that there are “experts” (please know I use that term loosely) who vehemently disagree on whether it is possible to shake a baby hard enough to thrust that child into the jaws of death. This is why I knew Bazelon had the duty to share all sides of this debate. She took all the right steps, but as a lawyer, she conveniently left out the details that couldn’t fit within the framework of her mission, which, clearly, is to cast doubt about what is happening to these babies behind closed doors when no one else is present.
I can’t get into the debate because, unlike Bazelon, I recognize it takes more than 8,000 words to adequately present two sides, and moreover, to fairly present the thousands of pages of testimony from our trial in order to show the reader what our jurors saw and heard before they convicted Trudy Munoz.
I think often about one of the studies highlighted in the article in which men and women said they were fine with shaking a dummy baby for the sake of science. And then they shake them. Hard. As hard as they can. Do you think in the back their mind they see their own son or daughter, that they mitigate the force of their shaking subconsciously? If so, who cares? They are shaking dummies. Dummies without brains, blood vessels, tissue, without life. I am haunted recently more than ever by a Japanese woman I read about years ago in a collection of nonfiction writings about Hiroshima and Nagasaki after the atomic bombs were dropped. This woman, whose singed skin hung off the exposed muscle of her body, lifted a cement beam to free her child who was pinned beneath it. Somehow this frail, damaged woman lifted all that weight to save her child. How do you account for that force? People can do incredible things. And they can do disastrous things.
My son wasn’t a ticking time-bomb. He will not be defined by the New York Times’ readership as the baby who didn’t drink a couple bottles and therefore connected the dots in this complex collection of cases. Every case is different. Every baby is different. The truths are not universal. Noah is not just a baby who was shaken; he is more, infinitely more.
I can feel a fraction of the pain you do. Our son was a victim of home childcare abuse as well. They broke his leg during a diaper change and he was in a full body (spica) cast for 6 weeks due to a spiral femur fracture. The sad part is they lied saying he fell down the stairs. Not even really the stairs but just the bottom landing. They changed their storied 3 different times.
We had to deal with CPS and the police. They dropped the case in ONE day. They said they didn’t have enough evidence that led them to believe it was child abuse. Solely because he was only 2 and couldn’t talk yet to give his side of the story.
I beat myself up everyday because I had a gut feeling something wasn’t right in this home. The night before it happened I was just telling my husband that I think we need to find a new childcare provider and that morning I dropped him off, he was clinging to me and screaming bloody murder. I was running late for work and basically ran out the door figuing he would calm down shortly after I left. It was just hours later I got the call from my husband that he was on the way to the hospital. I called her right away and she told me how it “happened.” My husband was like, um… that’s not what she told me. Then AFTER we found out it was a spiral femur fracture which happens with the twist of the leg, she changed her story again TO THE POLICE. When the police told us what she said, we explained to them that is completely different then she told us. Yet, it didn’t matter. It was her word over ours.
Now, our son isn’t permanantly injured as yours and I thank the lord for it could have been worse, but I did have to quit my job (we JUST bought our very first home) and stay with him. It has hurt us tremedously financially. This was 2 years ago and we are still suffering from it. It sickens me that people can get away with this because you need so much evidence even when it looks pretty clear.
Then when I have shared my story with other Mothers, I have heard some very negative comments. Even one lady, istead of saying I’m sorry to hear about what happened, just said “Now THAT is why we would never put our child into daycare.” Like, it was “my” fault. I beat myself over it every day that I wanted to go to work to help support our family, and now I have to hear about how I’m a bad mother for doing so?!
Anyhow, I know that my son is in no way compared to the exent of the injuries yours suffered, but just letting you know that no matter what people try to say, you know inside the real truth and you will always find people out there that have nothing better to do but be negative. I will pray for Noah!
Hi guys,
I’ve also been reading your blog since the beginning, and just let me say up front – I believe you. I’ve prayed, cried, celebrated with you all every step.
I also read the NYTimes article. I can certainly understand you all feeling betrayed by this writer. She used your story as a bookend to her *real* article — the conversion of Dr Barnes away from SBS and the scientific debate that is going on around the issue.
What makes me angry about the article is how much of Noah’s story she left out. How she paints the doctors as “this MUST be X” instead of thoughtful, educated people who know what they are talking about.
I am angry that the supposedly-venerable New York Times has printed fringe science as if it has the same level of credibility as established medicine. I am so sorry they used you as a springboard to jump in to validity issues about a very controversial, painful topic.
You aren’t idiots – you’re an awesome couple who deeply love your children and have every right to be upset by this article. But I hope you will also understand that the NYT does not have much credibility as a paper of scientific record, and quickly put it behind you. Newspaper articles can’t overturn court cases.
It makes me literally sick to see Trudy so unapologetically portray herself as a victim. And that is all I have to say about that.
Also – I forgot to mention that this IS the ‘paper of record’ who recently published an article about an 11-year old girl in Texas who was gang-raped by 18 teenaged boys and young men…and managed to sound sympathetic to the abusive criminals who did this by quoting neighbors who said the girl dressed too old for her age and acted like she was 20. It also printed a quote from some idiotic person who said they felt so sorry for those boys, who would have to live with this for the rest of their lives. Talk about bad judgment. Never mind that Texas law says an 11-year old girl cannot ever, legally, consent to any kind of sexual activity. Never mind the twisted rationalization that a person would have to go through to come to the conclusion that a child intentionally had sex with 18 adults…the New York Times printed every word of it, and then didn’t offer a retraction when public outrage raised the roof.
There is nothing that justifies that article – and nothing that justifies what they did to you, Mike, and Noah. I am sorry for the graphic example, but at least know who you’re dealing with.
All best – Jen
Haven’t checked in for a while… so sorry and angry to read about your experience with the NYT reporter. I DID see her story about Pheobe Prince and have to agree with you about her tactics as a reporter. I have noticed over the past several years that the quality of journalism in the NYT and other papers has steadily declined. (Look what they did to the boys from Duke who were wrongly accused of rape… and that woman has now been charged with murdering her boyfriend, which was an 8 line article on the back page) I do not think the entire blame for this rests with the reporters, but in many ways with the audience. It is controversy and sensationalism that sells. Sad statement.
Anyway, I am delighted to see how big Noah has grown. His happy face is a testament to you and Mike as parents. Your righteous anger is warranted and placed properly with the culprit for the things that made you feel that anger. I work with children with severe multiple disabilities and I have often been their voice when there is no other voice. You are Noah’s voice, you are the voice of other children like Noah. He is lucky to have you. Your willingness to fight for what is right and what is real will have its own rewards. In no way do the majority of intelligent readers who may have seen the article in the NYT think that you are idiots or that Noah’s condition is your fault. Justice has been served and another poster wrote that Trudy will eventually have to answer to a higher justice, there will be no lies or half truths in that courtroom, the judge in that case KNOWS all. Peace for you an your family.
Tammy
I have followed you guys story for some time now. I visit this site at least once a month to check for updates on Noah. When I read the Milk Bottle Controversy, I had to read the story that Emily Bazeleon wrote. This is my opinion of the article.
Emily speaks about all of these cases of SBS that have been overturned due to new evidence. This article suggest that SBS does not exist. That there must be another underlying medical condition that caused the brain trauma. In her article she states that Rueda was only alone with the children for about an hour. Her article also seems to imply that he could have been harmed hours before arriving into Ms. Rueda’s home. I became upset when she explains how its very hard for Ms. Rueda to be apart from her daughters. Ms. Rueda only got 10 1/2 years. She will be elgible for parole in probably 3 years. When she gets out her children will still be exactly the same. Noah won’t. She turned him into someone else.
I would be upset with her as well. She came into your home, more than likely asking very personal questions about you and your family and then turns around and writes an article basically saying that SBS does not exist. My question would be if SBS does not exist than what does?? How do they explain what happens to a baby after its been shaken.
Try not to take Bazelon’s article personally; she’s a hateful, vindictive individual who seems to delight in blaming victims, whoever they may be. I first learned about her through another site I frequent. She earned her place on that site due to an article she wrote about Phoebe Prince, a teenager who killed herself after a period of extreme bullying by several of her classmates.
Bazelon’s article on Phoebe–you guessed it–places the blame on Phoebe and her family alone, while suggesting that the bullies are totally innocent and have been victimized by the media. These bullies who wrote “accomplished” on a memorial site for Phoebe, who mimicked her hanging at a school dance a couple of days after she died, who seemed thrilled by her death…yeah, according to Bazelon, *they’re* the victims.
I am so sorry that she did the same thing to you and your family. I don’t know what her issue is, but re-victimizing TRUE victims and survivors seems to be her preferred method of operation.
Hi
My name is Jenna and I came across your site. Noah is an amazing and a very special boy. He is a brave courageous fighter. I was born with a rare life threatening disease. My site: http://www.miraclechamp.webs.com
Years ago in college I took a criminal psychology class. In it I learned that rarely is the reasoning behind a situation remote and obscure. The example given was this: What is the first thing that comes to mind if you were to encounter a naked woman running down the street. I answered rape. The professor, a former FBI behavioral science alum, shot down my theory. As it turns out, the most simple answer to that set of circumstances, the most likely and common one, is that the woman was on drugs thereby causing her behavior.
Which brings me to your post about the milk bottle- as the mother of a 10-month old girl, I can assure you from first hand and recent experience that there are many simple reasons why a baby doesn’t want to take a bottle. You know this from your own experience. When I first took my little one to daycare, she didn’t want to be fed by strangers. It was also around the 5-month mark that she became acutely aware of and curious about her surroundings. She would often unlatch or be easily distracted while nursing. Additionally, babies at that age are often teething even if the pearly whites don’t make an appearance for another couple months. Sore gums often make little ones refuse a bottle or food. And just like us adults, somedays babies are more hungry than others.
My point is, it’s the simple, uncomplicated (but horrible) answer that is the reason behind Noah’s injury- he was shaken. He was fine and then all of a sudden he wasn’t. I didn’t read that article and I won’t. A jury convicted that woman for a reason and there is a day that she will have to answer in a court system higher than our own. In the meantime, your family presses on.
Please know that there are so many of us who have been profoundly touched by your story. I check your blog every few weeks or ask my coworker for updates. It is my sincerest prayer that Noah is completely and totally healed someday. In the meantime, may our Heavenly Father sustain you, provide for you, and give you his continual peace that passes all understanding and all circumstances. May He give you the confidence to know that Noah has a bright future ahead of him despite what medical science may say. May He grant you unspeakable joy and stamina to tackle all you must.
I read the Times article; then I spent time reading various entries and replies. I scanned through the article again, and honestly, I am confused by your anger with the article. Of course everyone involved wants to know the -truth-, and there is no better way to find it out than investigate, ask hard questions, and encourage insight into a gray zone.
It is unforgivable that Bazelon deceived you. But the content of the article is valid.
I certainly wish your family great blessings and success in the years to come. Noah is a beautiful and fine boy. Let go of the anger, and life will be sweeter.
Thank you for writing. We certainly appreciate your well wishes for our family and for Noah, our wonderful boy.
The reason we are angry is because the content of the article is not valid, especially not regarding our case. What Bazelon did was intentionally inject doubt by omitting significant details regarding our trial. This leads the reader to assume that Rueda is innocent and that she has been unfairly prosecuted, when, in fact, each of the arguments Bazelon presents in the article were refuted at trial. That is simply not responsible journalism, hiding certain facts to make a sensational point. We will let go of our anger when victims like us aren’t continually victimized by atrocious stories such as this one. Please know that our life isn’t full of anger, but of hope and much joy. But we will fight for what we believe in, especially for all those babies who can’t fight for themselves.
Hi Erin,
I understand your frustration, you might think all the things in a positive way. Before I read that article, I knew nothing about your little Noah, now I know the whole story and I found your blog from that article, I also found the sweet Noah’s Pics on Flickr. The article may lead more and more people know your little baby’s story. Though the article may have some different opinions, the readers have their own opinions, too. I dont know about how other people feel about this whole thing, but I was horrified that anyone could do that to such a little child. What she did is unforgivable for any reason. I just want you to know, when I read this article I felt my heart hurts for your little boy, especially when I saw his pics in the hospital after the surgery. I hope I express myself clearly, because English is not my first language. And also, I hope what I said could bring you some small comfort.
I am sending my prayers for Noah and your family, everything would become better and better.
Chen
I think I understand your frustration, having been on the receiving end of journalistic license myself. Never anything important; just theater reviews and such. But the closer one is to the actual situation being reported, the more shockingly wrong the reportage is. Perhaps it’s the artist in all writers; mystery is always more interesting than facts. Noah was shaken, and it damaged his health.
As the mother of a daughter who was born with disabilities, allow me to lovingly suggest that you give yourself time and space to grieve, and then allow yourself to consider that you are the perfect parents for Noah, and he is very lucky to have the family he has. I think that the human element of his injury, that Trudy did it, and is in prison for it, is terribly distracting and damaging to your soul. Let yourself accept that Noah was hurt, and that that is his journey. Take turns with Mike being angry, until the anger is spent, and perhaps you will be able to feel better about everything. I didn’t have anyone to blame for my daughter’s problems, which didn’t appear for at least 6 months. So I grieved for a very short time, then it was easy to shift into helping her, and loving her just the way she is. For you, the anger and injustice will make it much harder, but I hope for you the same lovely feeling one day: that Noah now is Noah, that he’s having his life, and a lot of it is great. That twisted NY Times article and Trudy’s existence can only be really damaging distractions from your spiritual journey. Keep dancing. Keep letting yourself have moments of joy and peace. Those moments will grow.
And I’m glad the article linked to your blog! You are an amazing writer. Gorgeous.
My heart goes out to you and your family. You weren’t naive you were trying to get a message out about Shaken Baby Syndrome.
I read the article and the whole article was badly written and full of asumed information. There is no evidence presented just opinons and speculation.
Many medical experts gave evidence in the trial, provided scans and tests that showed Noah was shaken almost to death. The woman confessed and the jury accepted all the information and convivted her. Justice was served.
Hi Erin,
I found your blog from the NY Times article and I am glad I read the article and was able to find out about your sweet Noah. I did not look at the article and think you and your husband seem like idiots or anything of that nature, nor did I think that because your son didn’t want to take his bottle and wasn’t sleeping well that there was some pre-existing condition. As a new mother of a 5 month old baby, I have experienced times when my baby has not wanted to eat, sleep, or be soothed in any way. My best friend also has a new baby and we have talked to each other about how hard it is because sometimes it seems that the baby cries and not matter what we do, they won’t stop. I know it is very frustrating to be in the position of trying to calm an upset baby, but when I find myself becoming very frustrated I notice that Laura, my baby, seems to get more frustrated. Thankfully I know that sometimes I just need to lay her down and walk away for two minutes and can go back to the situation in a calm manner.
Friends and family describe me as extremely patient, so if I find myself becoming impatient with my own baby it is not hard to believe that someone with less patience would go out of control and shake someone else’s baby. Noah may have been gassy, not feeling well, over tired, etc. and anyone who has been around a fussy infant whom they can’t calm knows it can become frustrating. It seems obvious after reading your blog that your baby did not have a pre-existing condition that led to a stroke and that your babysitter just lost control of herself and even confessed during questioning.
While I understand your anger, I also thank you for being interviewed and allowing Noah’s story to be seen by so many through your blog. Reading your blog reminds me of how important it is to remain calm and walk away. I have just hired a part time nanny who will begin working with us next week and I am going to have her read your blog before watching my baby. This has also prompted me to talk to her about what to do if my baby is crying and she finds herself loosing patience or control. I will let her know that I want her to secure my baby safely in her swing and just walk away and call me, my husband, my mother, or go get a neighbor to help. It is so important for people to know and remember how fragile life is and how in a few moments of frustration damage that can be done that can change so many lives.
I am thankful for you, your strength, and your ability to share your story. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Erin, I read the article today, and naturally looked up your blog.
Your child Noah is beautiful and you are an amazing mother, for doing what you do for him and for surviving the last year and a half with such strength and grace.
I know you must be beyond angry about the full scope of the article. It must have really set your heart and mind aback to see anything about the woman accused of doing this to your baby. I just wanted to reassure you that I did not at all get the impression from reading it that you or your husband had anything to do with what happened to Noah.
What I got from the article was simply that in some cases, some people have been falsely accused of shaking a baby, when the baby may have had underlying medical conditions like a stroke or brain clot or injury from birth. It will no doubt seem callous to you, and I do not blame you in the least for not posting this comment, but I really do think that if medical opinion has shifted towards more more explanations for the classic trio of shaken baby symptoms, then legal proceedings must reflect this.
I wish my heartfelt best to you and your husband and Noah and Avry. I hope that with his ketogenic diet Noah continues to develop in leaps and bounds. I hope above all that you find joy beyond your pain.
I have been following you for a long while and never commented. My heart has always gone out to you and I’ve always kept Noah in my prayers. But THIS truly made me ANGRY. I can’t even give this reporter any more thought because I want to focus on how amazing Noah is and his brother Avry too. Your boys are miracles and I so enjoy reading about your family.
o, o dear. i can’t believe she did that.
i have read here since our daughter was born. we’ve had our own struggles with things being done. i am so glad to hear noah is doing well.
the science interested me in the article, but i was struck by the difference in noah’s case as others. it really was obvious to me that she was trying to make you guys look bad. that got to me a lot. i didn’t find you to be anything other than honest and caring about noah.
to me, from far away, it doesn’t sound like a stroke. it sounds like exactly what you thought it to be. i’m so sorry that you were hurt in this way, a way that brings everything back to the forefront.
blessings,
rhys
Hi, I am a mom in Ashburn and I have been following your blog for sometime now! I have never posted before but I felt the need to post after reading your most recent entry. My heart sank and the lump in my throat hurt as I read about what happened to you. I have not read the NY TImes article but I don’t believe you were treated as the reporter would have wanted to be treated. For that I am angry for you! Stay strong and stay focused on the truth as you know it! THAT is all that matters!
Erin
I don’t remember how I found your blog, but I literally found it on the first day you posted. I poured over the story and sobbed for your family. The pictures of Noah in the hospital were devestating to look at, but necessary to show the injury he endured. The miracle of his survival is a testament. I am so sorry that the reporter was not forthright with you, I am sick that she let that woman be any part of your family’s story at this point. The story should have been about the amazing love of a mother and the miracle that is your son. Reading your posts about his diet exhaust me, I can’t even imagine what your daily life must be like. Know this…..your story is TRUTH, your testimony WILL spread the word and help others. I pray for Noah’s recovery and peace to your home.
Sarah
I have been following your blog for some time now, and I grieve for your precious family. No words that I type here can ever erase any of the horror you have endured, but I hope that it may provide an ounce of comfort to know that so many people support you and know with 100% clarity that you were wronged by someone you ultimately trusted. It is not fair and it could have happened to my sweet child. God bless Noah and your family.
Shannon
Oklahoma
I found your blog from the NY Times article and I read it a completely different way. I was horrified that anyone could do that to a child for ANY reason. And especially in a town where I am from. You and your family are so brave to share Noah’s story, the ups and the downs, and to be so candid about how you feel. I also did not find you and your husband to be “idiots”. I thought a lot about myself and how I felt as a first time mother trying to navigate new experiences with my child and also leave my child in the hands of someone I barely knew. I can never imagine the pain you and your family must be feeling but I hope some good and awareness will come out of this article. Noah is a beautiful little boy and is lucky to have such an amazing family surrounding him.
Hi,
I am a teacher at a daycare in NJ, and on my lunch break yesterday, I saw this NY Times article on my phone and began to read. I read the entire article, and linked it on my facebook page for friends to see because I found the subject matter of interest to myself and friends who work with children. I will admit that at first while reading it, I felt very scared. What if a baby in my care had a dormant neurological condition, but was misdiagnosed SBS? What if innocent people really were convicted of these crimes? But the more I read, the more I saw that (in Noah’s situation especially), this was just not the case. In his case, justice was served correctly the first time around. I just wanted to let you know that while reading it I shed many tears, not for Trudy but for Noah and all the other infants mentioned. I saw your blog was mentioned at the beginning of the article, and I’ve since read many of your entries and been so moved by them. I hope it brings you some small comfort that the article served the unexpected purpose of introducing people to the beautiful Noah and his journey, and such an inspiring family. I also never perceived your family as “idiots,” and I do believe Noah was a healthy baby before that horrible day. The truth shines through with these things, and I am sending many prayers and thoughts your way and Noah’s. I hope this comment finds you all doing well.
Lyndsey